Word Rat

Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"

Family Cat Tired of Teenage Son Masturbating in the Same Room

SAN DIEGO, CA – The McAlister’s family cat, Jingles, has expressed fatigue in watching their thirteen-year-old son Jeremy masturbate in the same room as him. Jingles claims this has happened on a more frequent basis over the past six months.

“This is the way it always happens,” Jingles told us. “I’m sitting in an open window or I’m snuggled up on the bed, and Jeremy comes in and locks the door behind him. And just like that – I’m trapped.”

The 7-year-old feline claims Jeremy will then “usually put on some loud music” before “doing the deed”.

“It’s just sick. That’s supposed to be a private moment between man and himself. I swear – and I’m telling you the truth here – the other day, he locked eyes with me when he was doing it. It’s sick.”

At the time of publication, Jingles was maniacally clawing at Jeremy’s bedroom door, begging to be let out as Jeremy bent over to pet him with an unwashed hand. Jeremy’s mother and father have yet to comment, but sources indicate the cat’s cries can be heard throughout the house.

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One comment on “Family Cat Tired of Teenage Son Masturbating in the Same Room

  1. krisfarrant
    April 10, 2013

    This made me chuckle. How is the poor cat? Any word?

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This entry was posted on April 10, 2013 by in Community.
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