Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
WASHINGTON D.C. – As the Republican Party attempts to revamp their image, they now are left explaining how they missed that that Dick Cheney is really an evil cyborg. The former Vice President and proud cyborg Dick Cheney believes his lack of true humanity fits in perfectly with a political party that is “out of human touch to begin with.”
Dick Cheney, known by scientists as EVILTRON 5xZ, was created in a laboratory by scientists to find out if science could create a consistently lying war-mongler lunatic. Dr. Foozin, who worked on EVILTRON 5xZ, said he intended to make a large blob of evil to prove to his scientist friends that there was such a being too evil for Republicans to support. Needless to say, Dr. Foozin was very surprised when the evil cyborg blob was successful in politics.
“I wanted to make something so evil to prove that the Republicans wouldn’t just flat out support evil cyborgs. Dick Cheney’s success in politics comes as somewhat as a surprise to me,” Foozin says.
Other Republican evil cyborgs include ROVATRON 22, known by citizens as Karl Rove. Dr. Foozin has received a great deal of criticism for creating these successful politician-cyborgs. However, Dr. Foozin admits, “they were supposed to grow up in laboratories, but the Republicans demanded to our science team that the cyborgs were needed. We thought they were going to dump them overseas into enemy territory. Instead, the cyborgs took prominent positions in politics.” EVILTRON 5xZ and ROVATRON 22 are still participating in politics and news media today.