Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
“It all started when we gathered around the fire to roast some hot dogs,” partygoer Ethan Droam reported. “Jerry reached over and plucked Mary’s nose off her face. Not for real, though. Like children do it.”
Mary was ‘livid’, Ethan says. Other guests at the barbecue said Mary was ‘not having it’.
“I don’t know if she initially thought Jerry had really taken her nose, but she was pissed.”
After ‘taking’ her nose, Jerry began waving his thumb wedged between his index and middle fingers around the fire, claiming he was going to ‘throw it in’. Mary reportedly tried to snatch her ‘nose’ back, but was unsuccessful.
“She made him let go of her nose, but then he took a step back and did it again,” Chelsea Green told us. “He was dancing around in front of her chanting, ‘I got your nose! I got your nooooooose!’ After that she just stood up, told Jerry she wanted to end their marriage, and stormed off. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Early reports were that Mary had tears in her eyes, but those reports are unconfirmed. After the altercation, Jerry sat by himself for the rest of the party.
No word yet on if the divorce is going through.