Word Rat

Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"

Dog Eats $500, Doesn’t Fucking Care What You Think

ImageCHAMBERSBURG, PA – A local dog has done the unthinkable, and doesn’t care what you fucking think about it.

Sammy, a golden retriever, ate $500 in various bills off of a coffee table on Wednesday, according to his owner. Gary Thomas, who has had Sammy for 3 years, said the dog snatched the cash when he was outside mowing his lawn.

“I got done with the lawn and went back inside to get a glass of water,” Thomas says. “As soon as I opened the door, I noticed the mess.”

What’s even worse, Thomas says, is that Sammy didn’t really care about what he had done.

“He’s just sitting there, staring at me, then he coughed up a five dollar bill. That son-of-a-bitch.”

“Screw the old man. I’ll do what I want,” the dog was heard telling the cat. This isn’t the first time Sammy has done something like this, we’ve learned.

“About 6 months ago, he chewed up the remote for the cable box. But that time, I could tell he really felt bad about it. He was moping around for the next day or so.” This time, however, Sammy just went about his business. “Within oh, a half hour I’d say, he was taking a nap on the couch! Can you believe that? It’s like he has no sense of money or shame!”

No one can say what made Sammy so shameless. Thomas has enrolled Sammy in an obedience program, but he doesn’t think it will do much good.

“I got a dick for a dog,” he says.

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This entry was posted on April 12, 2013 by in Community.
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