Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
CARPENTERSVILLE, VA – A Virginia man has cryogenically frozen himself to avoid ever having to watch Fox’s new sitcom, “New Girl” again. Accountant Bob Potackio claims that he lives in a house with teenagers that enjoy watching the show whenever possible. Since Bob has little else to do besides watch TV, Bob was often persuaded to watch the show himself, even though Bob Potackio really hated the show.
Potackio’s wife and family are distraught about hearing that Bob has frozen himself but claim there were warning signs.
“Bob used to yell, ‘If I have to watch this God-damned show again I’m gonna freeze myself,'” said Mrs. Potackio.
The Potackio family is saddened by having to wait until Fox cancels the show, but they claim to simply love the new, modern humor the show brings to the table.
“We’ll just have to wait until the show comes off the air,” Mrs. Potackio said. “Bob could use the break.”
It’s clear that while there’s a “new girl” in the Potackio family, an “old man” is frozen solid waiting to breathe again.