Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
FRANKLIN, NH – Scientists agree that a fetus recently aborted by Candy Fripmann contained a “murderous tyrant” gene which causes the baby to grow up and commit heinous deeds while possibly enslaving thousands. The gene has been called the “Hitler Gene,” and new studies are confirming that Adolf Hitler had the same DNA patterns.
The Hitler Gene causes babies to grow up and become vicious, murderous tyrants if not for an abortion. This discovery comes amidst local pro-life activists protesting outside the facility. The pro-life activists, however, seem rather confused about the abortion of the baby with the Hitler gene.
“Normally we hate abortion, but none of us want another Hitler on our hands. That guy was an asshole,” explained pro-life activist Sherry Tunam.
Scientists deliberated over the finding. “What we have here is the same DNA makeup of ruthless tyrants and murderous dictators. It was a good thing this fetus was aborted – a good thing,” said scientist Dr. Joseph Singer. “Let me explain,” continued Singer. However, the explanation was far too confusing to write down.
The fetus will be studied in order to match it up with other Future Hitler Babies (F.H.B.’s). If you are concerned that you may be the parent of a F.H.B., call the newly created hotline 1-800-BABY-BAD.