Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
“You’re putting my face on children’s underwear? Really?” Superman asked. “Do you even realize how wrong that is?”
Superman is said to have scheduled this press conference after knock-off merchandise had come to his attention. Which, if it took him this long, is he really so super?
“I don’t know what you people think this is,” Superman said, pointing to the ‘S’ symbol on his chest, “but my father gave this symbol to me when he put me in a metal box and shot me off into space. You guys put it on a fucking lunchbox.”
Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane stood up to ask a question, but the Man of Tomorrow stopped her. “Not now, Lois.”
Superman then told the crowd that they should ‘know better’, and asked them to think about what he could do to us with just his pinky finger before flying away.
Coincidentally, in another superhero press conference today, Flash told reporters he’d be happy to see his likeness on any old thing.
“Towels, mousepads, tampons. Flash Tampons! When you need ’em…in a Flash,” Flash said, thinking he’s clever.