Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
TRENTON, NJ – A time traveler that recently arrived in our present day was spotted walking around his former hometown, absorbing the atmosphere of 2013.
Chris Jameson, originally from year 2037, arrived in Trenton late last night. Unlike other time travelers who go around buying lottery tickets and stocks, Jameson is just enjoying the sights and sounds of our present day.
“Man, I haven’t been here since 2021,” Jameson recalled. “That was the year my mother and I had to flee the Great Solar Storm.” The first thing Jameson did when he arrived was go check out his former neighborhood.
“This street right here was where I grew up,” Jameson said, pointing at a two-story white house. “I lost my virginity in that house. In 2037, this is all rubble.”
For lunch, Chris Jameson stopped at a local diner, Ana’s Burgers. “I haven’t had a burger in ten years. Not since the cows learned how to fire guns. So good. You want some?”
“Yep, you guys sure are lucky,” Jameson told us. “Well, for awhile.”
Jameson imparted some wisdom on us as he was preparing to go back to his own time. “Be weary of John Travolta. That’s all I’m going to say.” Jameson then pointed at an American flag blowing in the wind in front of the post office. “And take good care of that. You guys are going to miss it when it has a goathead on it.”