Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
NASHVILLE, TN – Patrons of a Nashville gas station have reported that a man seems to be smoking a cigarette while pumping gas.
“No one really knows what to do about it,” said one gas-pumper. “He’s really starting to freak me the hell out. Doesn’t he know?”
“Someone should really go up and say something to him. The van over there has children in it!” another man who stopped to get cigarettes said.
The man is rumored to be Jerry Doleman, a frequent visitor to Pump ‘N Save.
“I know Jerry. He buys his lottery tickets here every week,” Pump ‘N Save clerk Rhonda Clark told us. “I’ve never seen him do something like this, though.”
The move has been called ‘unbelievable’, and others have even called Doleman ‘inconsiderate’. The man has even forced other drivers to look elsewhere for gasoline.
“I was going to top off here, but now I think I’ll go down the street to the Circle K,” one driver explained. “Who does this madman think he is?”
Our reporters approached Doleman to hear his side of the story.
“It’s an e-cigarette,” Jerry told us. “You guys haven’t seen these before?”