Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
VATICAN – In an effort to raise money for the Catholic Church, Pope Francis reportedly changed his name to align with the Church’s latest sponsor, Allstate Insurance. Pope Francis will now be known as Pope Allstate Insurance for the remainder of his natural life. McDonald’s, Home Depot, and Target have also started sponsoring the new Pope.
Pope Allstate Insurance has developed a reputation for being unconventional compared to previous popes. He is known for his humility and simplicity, which could be the reason Pope Allstate Insurance sold rights to his name to raise money for the church.
“You’re in good hands with God, and with Allstate Insurance,” Pope Allstate Insurance said in Church ceremonies over the weekend. The Pope also features logos of Allstate Insurance and other sponsors on his garments.
Critics say the Pope should have sold naming rights for more money, as other corporations were also bidding for the rights. Nevertheless, Pope Allstate Insurance is pleased with his decision and is enjoying his new name.
“Accepting Christ as your savior; that’s Allstate’s stand,” Pope Allstate Insurance said in an interview.