Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
BOISE, ID – In a stunning development at your friend’s house, a drunk guy you never met seems to be drinking heavily – and drinking your beers. The drunk man seems to be rather intoxicated already, and he is paying no heed to the fact that he continues to drink beer that you purchased.
“Toss me another one. No, not a Coors – a Sierra Nevada, I love this shit,” the drunk man says while sitting on your friend’s couch. He seems to have no idea that you brought the Sierra Nevada beer, and you only brought a six-pack. Regardless, the man is taking large pulls of the beer.
The events are especially startling because of the lack of a close liquor store. You only got $20 out of the ATM earlier today and you spent most of it. Also, you’re pretty sure that the Payless Liquors down the block only accepts cash.
The drunk man, whom friends have been calling Steve, is a fast drinker and would surely ostracize you for being a “cheap-skate” if you spoke out against him. He already had a forty, but he shows no signs of slowing down. No word yet on whether or not you are going to take the rest of the six-pack out of the refrigerator and keep it by your feet.