Word Rat

Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"

Maximum Wage Bill Passed

ImageWASHINGTON, D.C. – Poor people have now had their nightmares realized – lawmakers have passed a maximum wage bill.

“This is a big step toward keeping the money in our own pockets,” one rich guy said before adding, “Where it should be.” In a 99-1 vote, the United States Senate passed controversial ‘maximum wage’ legislation, which prohibits workers from making over $15 an hour. The near-unanimous vote strikes a critical hit to employees trying to get by and make ends meet.

Bill sponsor and Connecticut Senator Ryan Galloway told reporters on the Capitol’s steps today that this piece of legislation will stop those earning over $15 an hour from ever being truly happy. “We’re got them where we want them, and we’re going to keep them there,” Galloway said. “Nothing makes me happier than seeing my fellow man struggle to get by. This is a great day.”

The bill explicitly states that this maximum limit on earnings is only for those not already earning over $250,000 a year. Although the bill was favored by practically everyone in Washington, normal Americans deny it is for the greater good.

“What the fuck?” asked one poor guy. “Figures,” said another.

The bill now goes to President Obama’s desk, where it has already been confirmed that he’ll sign it now that he got his second term. The changes won’t go in effect until June, so if you’re making under $250,000 a year – now is the time to step up your game.

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This entry was posted on April 16, 2013 by in Politics.
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