Word Rat

Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"

Open Mind Closed

ImageJACKSONVILLE, FL – An open mind was closed today.

Jack Marlyn, a man friends and family has always said had an open mind, found himself close-minded when he woke up on Tuesday.

“He used to fully support gay rights, and was always open to hearing facts and changing his mind,” Jack’s wife Sandra told us. “But when he woke up this morning, he just hated everything and everyone.” Reports indicate that when Jack woke up on Tuesday morning, he had decided that not all men were created equal and immediately changed his political affiliation at the Circuit Clerk’s Office.

“The gays are going to ruin this country, if the illegals jumping over the border don’t do it first,” Jack wrote on his blog. Before Tuesday, his blog ‘In Love With the World’ preached openess and compassion to every fellow man, woman, or child. On Tuesday, he changed the blog’s title to ‘In Love With the Right World’.

“I don’t know what to do,” Sandra Marlyn explained. “Our daughter Chelsea is about to marry a black man. She was going to tell her father this week…I called and told her to keep it a secret. For right now, at least.”

None of Jack’s friends or family can explain what made Jack’s mind become so narrow, but one thing is for sure – it’s locked up tight like a bank vault at Ft. Knox.

“I was supposed to play golf with him this sunday,” one of his friends, speaking anonymously, told us. “Not doing that now.”

When the anonymous friend called to cancel their plans, Jack reportedly called him ‘a queer’.

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This entry was posted on April 16, 2013 by in Science.
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