Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
The sub, the first addition to Subway’s ‘Eat Whatever You Want, We Don’t Care’ Menu, is the first sandwich on their menu to ever feature ground beef. It’s rumored to sell for $8.99 as an introductory price.
“We’ve been offering delicious, low-calorie sandwiches since our inception,” Chief Marketing Officer for Subway Bill Riley said at a shareholders meeting on Monday. “Now we’re going to the far, far other side of the spectrum. It’s a new, fat world. We have to keep up.”
The sandwich will be available with or without cheese, but Riley also said that their Sub Artists will fight with you to keep the cheese on. With the change in marketing, Subway will also be changing their in-store infrastructure.
“Our lines will no longer have those black dividers as we anticipate larger customers to begin enjoying our restaurant. We’re also installing deep fryers in all 25,000 locations,” Riley said, smirking.
This new sandwich is not the only sub Subway has in the pipeline. Reports indicate that other subs developed include a ‘Bacon, Egg, More Bacon, No Veggies’ sub and a ‘Fried Chicken and Keep Piling the Ham and Cheese On It Until I Tell You To Stop’ sub.