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NEW YORK, NY – After many scientific tests, New York scientists identify Donald Trump’s toupee to actually be an alien brain parasite called “greediclox 9.” The parasite is known to take over a person’s body and cause that person to be excessively greedy and act absolutely ridiculous at all times.
The parasite, “greediclox 9,” is from the planet Neptune and arrives on Earth looking like a small fox-like animal. The parasite then clings to bald men’s heads and reeks havoc on the victim’s central nervous system.
The news comes as a P.R. boost for Trump Industries, who now have an excuse for Trump’s outlandish, buffoonish behavior.
“We’re just glad that wasn’t really Donald Trump, just some extra-terrestrial parasite clinging on to his skull,” said P.R. executive Wendy Pample.
There has been no word yet whether the Don will remove his alien parasite since, to him, it appears like he has a full head of hair. Scientists and doctors are attempting to break the news to Trump that nobody’s fooled.