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CHICAGO, IL – The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) will begin listing “Being a Cubs Fan” as a psychological disorder. The findings were based on victims believing in the impossible and continuing to hope for something that will never occur: a championship. Some of the listed symptoms include “actually thinking the Cubs will go far in the playoffs” and “believing that the ballpark is cursed by a billy-goat.”
Psychologists agree that any Cubs fan is delusional for cheering for a team that has not won the World Series since 1908. To hope for the impossible, the DSM states, is not a sign of good mental health. The belief in some sort of cursed goat story is also a concerning symptom.
“Well, Cubs fans have not seen a championship since a time where the Ottoman Empire existed. They are all clearly living in the past,” psychologist Dr. Murray stated.
A popular Cubs saying is “there’s always next year,” which lead some Cubs fans to believe that this year could be the “next year.” Believing that this year is “next year” is “delusional and borderline psychotic,” according to psychologists.
Some other symptoms include chanting “lets go Cubs” at ball games. This has not worked in over a century.
“Being a Cubs Fan” is a rampant problem towards the north side in Chicago and is steadily continuing to spread.