Word Rat

Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"

Janitor Cleans Feces Out of Urinal…Again

ImageSALT LAKE CITY, UT – West High school custodian Patrick Lord cleaned a pile of feces out of a urinal in the boy’s bathroom for the third time this week.

“Motherfucker,” Lord apparently said when he saw the sight. As stated, this is the third time this has happened this week alone…and it’s only Wednesday. “Fuckin’ animals, Jesus Christ.”

Patrick Lord has worked for West High School for six years now, and claims this kind of thing happens all the time.

“If it ain’t shit in the urinals, it’s bloody tampons cloggin up the crappers in the women’s,” Lord told us. “Have you ever seen anything like this? What’s the point?” The culprit for this latest disgusting display of rebellion is unknown at this time, but Lord has a suspect.

“It’s probably Derek. It’s always fuckin’ Derek,” Lord said. The previous defecation came on Tuesday, the one before that on Monday. “That’s three days in a row I’ve had to do this,” Lord claims. Although many would turn their heel and run from such a sight, Lord proclaims he’s ready for this type of thing.

“I usually just take a pitcher of water and try to break it down into little chunks that will flush through the drain. Now, last week in the women’s bathroom on the second floor, someone wrote a message on the wall with their shit. Their shit! Can you fucking imagine? Now that was a bitch to clean up.” The message? “‘That’s life’. Un-fuckin’-believable.”

Mr. Lord concluded our interview by telling us he wasn’t paid enough for this kind of shit, pun unintended.


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This entry was posted on April 17, 2013 by in Community.
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