Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
One of the suspects sports a white backwards hat on his head in the photos released by the FBI, so Jillian native Michael Walters, 13, very quickly turned his hat around so the bill was pointing forwards.
“This is going to affect my wardrobe,” Walters said as he switched the position of his hat. The hat, which is strangely a New York Yankees hat despite the boy being born and raised in Nevada, had just recently been washed. “I hope no one saw me when it was backwards. I gotta be careful.”
Walters admits he doesn’t know exactly why he’s always worn his hat backwards, but says he will not continue to do so.
“This is a big blow to the nu-metal crowd. I wonder how Fred Durst is dealing with this,” he continued. “Maybe I should start wearing it to the side…”
Before walking away, Michael Walters compared himself to Muslim Americans being persecuted after the September 11th tragedy.