Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
BOSTON, MA – After authorities finally found the second suspect of the Boston Bombings, they discovered that the suspect was wearing a mask. The terrorist was not 19 year old Dzhokar Tsarnaev after all, but Old Man Jenkins from the Old Mill.
“And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling police, FBI, ATF, and National Guard!” Old Man Jenkins said after being de-masked. Authorities also apparently had assistance from Scooby-Doo and the gang to capture the terror suspects.
“Hey man, it was just like, whoa dude, there he is!” Said Norville “Shaggy” Rogers, a member of Mystery Inc. He arrived, disheveled, and with smoke billowing out when he opened the door. Local police authorities are questioning Rogers about the smoke which smelled like marijuana.
Scooby-doo had little coherent information to say besides the fact that he wanted “scooby-snacks,” which caused all of the local crowd to burst out into laughter.