Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
BROOKINGS, SD – Grandma Peters was arrested last night after authorities found that the candy she was serving in her candy bowl was expired. Grandma Peters’ grandson, Billy, is an FBI agent and a candy enthusiast who had to arrest his own grandmother. When Billy Peters found that Grandma’s candy was expired, Billy Peters claimed he had “no choice” but to turn in old Grandma Peters.
“I just wanted to put out candy for the little darlings,” Grandma Peters said in a statement earlier today. “I know how my little Billy likes his sweets! He has such a sweet tooth, you know, and a great job working for the government,” Grandma continued, oblivious that she was turned in by her grandson.
Billy Peters has been an FBI agent for almost two years, and this seems to be his biggest catch so far.
“I can’t let my Grandma serve expired candy – it’s unhealthy, dangerous, and could cause someone to be sick. She needed to be turned in to the authorities right away,” said Billy Peters.
Grandma Peters has reportedly been baking pies and cakes for Brookings, SD police officers all day. The officers claim she makes “the greatest cakes ever!” Billy Peters has been peeking at the activities through a window all day, according to sources.