Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
“Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me,” one horse asked us when approached for comment. “You’re not satisified with just riding us all damn day, you gotta eat us, too?” Exactly how the horses figured out the news remains unknown at this time, but it has been said that they’re pretty upset about it.
“I understand eating cows, they’re practically dumb as a cob of corn anyway, but us? Screw that,” another horse told us before galloping around a meadow.
“There’s not much ya’ll wouldn’t eat, ain’t there?” a wise, beared horse told us. “I remember back after the crash, some folks went all out and started cooking us up in stews, but that was a long time ago. I thought we we past all this here now.”
With the news that horses have found out what’s being done to them, farmers and stableowners around the world are saying they’ve noticed large groups of horses milling around in meadows, talking about something secret.
“I happened to look out the window after supper, and saw about 10 of my best horses whispering to each other,” Farmer Dale Smith reported. “After awhile, they realized I was watching ’em and scattered off. I can not say what it is they were talking about.”
Farmer Smith remembers back when the horses found out about the glue factories.
“It was chaos, we had horse riots every which way around here. One of ’em took my mother hostage, but my father was able to put him down. We were good on glue for years, I’ll tell you. Hoo-boy. Lots of arts and crafts projects after that.”