Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
CREVE COEUR, MS – There has been a great deal of controversy over whether or not Monsanto should list the real ingredients in their genetically modified food products. Many consumers would like to know whether or not their fresh corn-on-the-cob contains chlorides, formaldehyde and glyphosate.
Monsanto, the leading multinational agricultural biotechnology corporation, is doing everything they can to not tell consumers what is really in their vegetable soup.
In response to a number of protests, a Monsanto representative criticized the protesters as “just being picky eaters.”
Monsanto spokesperson Tom Jurone said the following: “U.S. consumers are like 8 year old kids looking for any reason to complain about eating their vegetables. This has nothing to do with whether or not the vegetables contain sulfuric acid, which is does – not. It does not. Shit what’d I say?”
Critics say they simply would like to know whether or not their food is poisonous. Monsanto is apparently giving the old “fuck you” to consumers and saying “we don’t want you to know what’s in your food. Just eat it and shut up.”