Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
WASHINGTON D.C. – Senators on Capitol Hill decided they would “clam-bake” the Capitol Building today in order to get a new perspective on marijuana legalization. “Clam-baking” takes place when numerous people smoke marijuana in order to fill a confined space with marijuana smoke. The results cause people to breathe in a great deal of second-hand smoke as well as first-hand smoke, causing individuals to get “super baked.”
Senator Rand Paul led the “clam-baking” by pretending to start a filibuster for marijuana legalization. Instead of droning on and on about the subject, Paul took out a large blunt and began passing more blunts around the senate floor.
The senate was filled with giggling middle-aged folks who began to take on new ideas about the legalization issue.
Rand Paul put his politics to the side and began rambling on about how “life is weird,” according to sources. The news media workers also felt marijuana’s effects and started playing live Grateful Dead concert video clips instead of showing the senate in committee.
Reports claim the senate vending machines were completely sold-out.