Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
OXFORD, MS – Authorities have released the man they thought sent letters filled with ricin to a Mississippi Senator and President Obama, but now they are on the lookout for a man who seems to have been impersonating their original suspect.
Paul Kevin Curtis, an Elvis impersonator and country musician, was released from federal custody Tuesday morning. Curtis was accused of sending three letters that tested positive for ricin to Senator Roger Wicker, President Obama, and a judge in Lee County, Mississippi. Curtis had denied involvement with the letters, and a search of his home yielded no evidence.
“We are currently searching for the man responsible, the man who impersonated an Elvis impersonator,” Chris Williams, spokesman for the FBI told us. “The highest of charges.” The Elvis impersonator impersonator may have been an ex-business associate, a source close to the investigation said. “He ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, but luckily we have our own hound dogs to search for him.”
“We’ve got a lot of Elvis impersonators here, since the King was born here,” Lee County Sheriff Will Harman said today, “but we’ve never had an impersonator impersonating an Elvis impersonator. Not to my knowledge, anyway.” Curtis lived in Tupelo, Mississippi, the birthplace of Elvis Presley.
“We need a little less conversation on this subject, and a little more action,” the recently released Curtis told reporters. “It’s now or never for the man that impersonated me to come forward. Whether it’s a hard headed woman or the devil in disguise, I have a suspicious mind that they will be lonesome tonight and should surrender. Something…something, a big hunk o’ love.”
We will update you as this story develops.