Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
BOSTON, MA – Boston Police and others are now speculating that if the floods had hit Boston the way they hit the midwest, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev could have cruised off into the great blue yonder. This serves as a frightening thought for some and an action movie scenario for others.
Just what authorities will do about this speculation is yet to be determined.
“Just imagine the kind of military presence we would have if Dzhokhar Tsarnaev would have used the boat to flee authorities. There would be like, battleships and aircraft carriers, man,” said Boston police deputy Jim Charleston.
“I bet they would have the Navy bring out hovercrafts and it’d be all, bew bew bew,” added local pizza chef Tim Gaffer, mimicking the noise of artillery fire.
Unfortunately for certain viewers, the floods did not hit anywhere near the area. The floods hit the midwest, which is known for lacking in any real excitement.
Nevertheless, folks agree that the “what if” factor is rather substantial in this case.