Word Rat

Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"

Local Man Claims Arresting Officers Are “Totally Not Cool”

GLEN ELLYN, IL – A man in the Glen Ellyn, Illinois area is claiming that the local police were “totally not cool” in their behavior following the town’s annual “Oktoberfest in April” festivities.81904731.HP32AGfK.IMG_9831copy
“There I was, sitting in the park and minding my own business, and doing cocaine, when these fascists came over and started trying to put in me handcuffs. I was like ‘hey, stop it man’ and ‘you are being way uncool, dude’ but it was to no avail,” the man reported.

Following his arrest, the man, who asked to remain anonymous, contacted the ACLU.

“This kind of uncool behavior from police is unacceptable in this country, but it is unfortunately becoming more prevalent,” said Jonathon Blackguy, a spokesman for ACLU.

UPDATE: The Glen Ellyn police issued a statement about an hour ago on the situation, saying:

“”The accusations are totally unfounded. We operate in a transparent and professional manner. Besides, we are way cooler than that nerd.”

A Chris Howard Report 

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This entry was posted on May 2, 2013 by in Community.
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