Word Rat

Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"

British Terrorist with Bloody Hands Really Just Renown Finger-Painter

LONDON – The bloody man suspected of killing a British soldier was really just renown finger painter Eric Jopski.  The world thought they had caught a terrorist literally red-handed holding a meat cleaver, but the man had an explanation.woolwich attack suspect

Jopski was really just doing the finishing touches on his latest finger-painting picture of an apple, which is why he was using red paint.  Witnesses say they saw him and another person chanting  “Allahu akbar,” but he was really chanting “all I am is this far… away from finishing my finger-painting.”

As for the meat cleaver, Jopski was slicing up some vegetables for his meal which he usually eats as he paints.  All the media attention he received confused him, and he began speaking as if he really had killed the British soldier.

All this information is based on the data his best friend gave us, which we figure is unbiased.  Nevertheless, it is a shame that his painting of an apple will remain unfinished.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on May 24, 2013 by in Politics.
%d bloggers like this: