Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
ATLANTA, GA – A Georgia man married his dog yesterday proving that liberals and gay activists really did create a slippery slope with their push for gay marriage. The man getting married was dog-lover Eddie Turbles and the bride was a canine named Pebbles.
Since the fight for same sex marriage began, opponents constantly brought up the argument of “what’s next? A man can marry a dog?” As ridiculous as the argument seemed, it appears as if their concern was valid. Yesterday, Eddie Turbles married his dog Pebbles in front of friends and families.
“I love my dog so much, I should be able to marry who I love,” Turbles said. He plans to go on a honeymoon to a local dog-park and maybe stop at a Petsmart on the way home.
“Arf arf arf,” Pebbles said regarding the marriage. It was clear that Pebbles was at a loss for words on her wedding day.
“It happened, I knew it would. All them [sic] queers and liberal hippie activists out there will let anyone, or anything get married,” said neighbor and conservative John Hemmings. “What’s next, a man marrying a spoon? Now that’d be somethin’ ey Clark?” Hemmings said to his friend who was sitting on a rocking chair.
“Darn tootin’,” responded Clark.
The marriage means many things to many people. To the bride and groom, it means true love and inappropriate human-canine relationships. To conservatives, it means their slippery slope was not just a cliche, but a real slope on which a dog and man were married.