Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
WASHINGTON D.C. – The National Security Agency has been under scrutiny after a whistle-blower announced that the NSA has the ability to spy on every American’s phone conversations, e-mail, and internet history.
The situation has been the subject of all sorts of media scrutiny, from news shows to late night talk shows. Many citizens are upset over the invasion of privacy due to the NSA’s capabilities.
However, the NSA claims that “unattractive people have nothing to worry about,” said spokesperson Hubert Schong. “We are only unnecessarily spying on hot girls and hot guys, we don’t care about fat and ugly people, never did never will,” Schong continued.
Garrett Bims, a Nebraska ugly person, is happy that his rights will not be violated on account of his crooked nose, big eyes and slack jaw.
Maggie Popmeier, a New York model, claims it’s unfair that she is targeted and not ugly people like Garrett Bims. The NSA and ugly people both claim it’s a small price to pay in exchange for being able to glide easily through life being attractive.