Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
WASHINGTON D.C. – A bag of weed was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor at the White House today. The celebrated bag of weed was reportedly a used “ten-sack” that helped get mechanic Earl Pronston really high after work.
“This bag of weed has earned this,” mechanic Earl Pronston told a White House audience. “I was really stressed about this new policy at work, then I smoked it and I was like, ‘man fuck that shit,'” Pronston said in front of a packed audience.
President Obama and Vice President Joe Biden were honored to meet the ten sack of what Biden called “sticky-icky fire denk buddha.”
“What we have here is a real hero,” Obama said. He then reached into the bag, pulled out a clump of weed with his fingers and said, “ooh mama that’s that sweet fire!” This was met by uproarious applause.
Anti-drug advocates were in attendance but were not protesting the decision. “After all,” they agreed, “Earl got pretty baked off that weed.”
After the ceremony, President Obama called for an urgent “diplomatic” meeting with the bag. In attendance was Bill Clinton, Kanye West, and Willie Nelson.