Word Rat

Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"

Report: NSA Spies on Heaven/Hell

AFTERLIFE – The NSA has began spying on the afterlife in an attempt to reduce amounts of hauntings, demonic possessions, and other supernatural phenomenons.  Reports from NSA agents cite that there is a lot of activity going on above the clouds and beneath the earth that needs to be investigated.  nsa

Agent Proploski of the NSA recently started spying on the ghost of Adolf Hitler.  An NSA employee was ordered to jump into a giant hole that went underground for miles in order to place a bug on Hitler’s iPhone.  Reports indicate that Hitler is a star racquetball player at Hell’s gym, and Hitler currently has a record of 4-1 this season, losing only once to Osama Bin Laden who reportedly has a “monster reach.”

Meanwhile, Steve Jobs has been tapped by an NSA agent in Limbo, where Jobs is reportedly haunting the board of directors of the Microsoft Corporation.  This was found out after it was discovered that Microsoft would be releasing a new ZUNE, for which there is no logical explanation other than a demonic possession of a Microsoft employee.

Even in Heaven, Mother Theresa is having her calls and e-mails monitored after the NSA received reports that Mother Theresa was illegally downloading Phish albums that “chill her out a bit.”

It appears that even after death, we are all subject to the NSA’s spying tactics.

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This entry was posted on November 5, 2013 by in Politics, Religion.
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