Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
RUSSIA – A new protest punk band from Russia has caused an even greater stir than the popular band Pussy Riot in Russia. The new band Penis Riot, featuring five blatantly gay musicians, is reportedly causing President Putin to experience many negative feelings including anger, fury, and suppressed homoerotic confusion.
The band is known for their songs “Putin is Hot,” “Putin Looks Like a Great Gay Lover,” and “Putin without a Shirt is Getting Me Hard.” The band plans to play their songs in all sorts of sacred and historical landmarks before they will certainly be put to death.
“Putin’s going to kill us for this, but we wanted to do this for the music,” said openly gay lead singer Zami Zharkhov. “We know we will certainly die for this, but it will be worth it to see the look on Putin’s face.”
Oddly enough, Putin said he believes the band “actually has some good songs,” and may delay his execution of the super gay punk band. “I believe their music has great hooks, and they do say I’m sexy in some of their songs. I will let that sink in to the public for a bit before ordering a fire squad to kill Penis Riot.”
No word on whether or not Penis Riot will ever tour outside Russia.