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Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"

Missing Malaysia Flight Passengers Return from Space Wormhole with Giant Tits

BEIJING, CHINA – The missing Malaysia airline MH370 and its passengers have reportedly returned safely from a space wormhole, and the passengers and crew are now returning safely to their families with a strange side effect – they all got giant tits.  Scientists are working tirelessly to find out more about the physics behind this strange phenomenon.  Apparently, the flight was going fine until the passengers felt a sudden jerk and were suddenly sucked into a wormhole.  bigems

According to passengers, the experience of entering and exiting a wormhole was extremely frightening, but a sense of relief came over them when they realized they would be alright, they would just have enormous knockers.

Although Malaysia Airlines offered every passenger the opportunity to remove the jugs with surgery, every passenger refused.  Many of the passengers said they would gladly take the trip again to add a couple bra sizes.

Jo Kim is the husband to passenger Li Kim who traveled on flight MH370. The couple has been married for 8 years prior to the flight.  Jo says he did wish on a shining star the day of the plane disappearance.  In addition to that, it was also his birthday.  Scientists believe this “double whammy effect” could have possibly triggered an intergalactic shift causing a astro-wormholes in the sky.

Others believe it was a supernatural celestial phenomenon caused by the astrological constellation Big Melons Melanie being in the same ascension as  the numbers in Dolly Parton’s birthday.

“The mysteries of space are far beyond our comprehension, but there must truly be a divine presence in our universe,” said Jo Kim.  No lawsuits have been filed against Malaysia airlines.  Malaysia’s stock has risen substantially following an increase of business from poorly-endowed hopefuls.

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This entry was posted on April 3, 2014 by in Science.
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