Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
CHARLESTON, SC – Statistics show that the adult diaper industry is experiencing an unprecedented spike in overall sales in March-May 2016. The sales correlate with the recent controversy involving transgender Americans being forced to use the bathroom that coincides with there birth gender. The sales are reaching all time highs in southern states and northern states from people who surveyed that they don’t want to get involved in the issue.
Many Americans would simply rather sit in their own smeared shit than read another think-piece from conservatives and liberals alike regarding the trending controversy.
“It’s not that I don’t think it’s an important issue, it probably is, I just, I don’t know… Hold on… Errggg…. Ahhh… [Sigh]…. Anyway, what were we talking about?” said Lance Jernik about the issue. His opinions were similar to many others who all took noticeable strained breaks during their statements.
“I think it’s important for people to do what they want. But this issue is just… umm… errg… erg… [fart]… one minute… ergg.. ahh…, I’m sorry so what I was trying to say was that this is a tricky issue and I’d rather just wear a diaper so I don’t have to be involved.” Janis Bumderston said looking eventually relieved.
One thing is for sure, Fred Plommy of Brown Stop Inc. Adult Diapers said this whole controversy was the best thing that ever happened to his business.
“Well this is a big issue that people are all talking about. People want to stop all the shit coming out of their ass when defending their side. They can also literally stop the shit coming out of their ass while wearing our Double Ply Extra Strength Stretch Waste Adult Diaper.”
No comment was provided by the garbage and sanitation commission.