Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
PHILADELPHIA, PA – Senator Bernie Sanders and Democratic Presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton have reportedly combined their bodies together to form a perfect genderless Democratic being named Hillernie. The being is presumed to be the perfect entity to run across a similarly constructed being named Donald Trump, who is the combination of a gross bald man and a large hamster.
The medical process was performed after several instances where Bernie supporters were creating disruptions at the Democratic National Convention this week. Bernie supporters seemed to be visibly upset that their candidate was not chosen for the presidential run.
“Bernie or bust!” one supporter chanted as his group clamored throughout other speeches during the convention.
Bernie Sanders, aware that it was himself that needed to run, knew what he had to do. He sought an old Philadelphia wizard named Philly Jack. Sanders pled with Philly Jack to genetically combine himself with Hillary, as it would be the only way they could be victorious. Philly Jack agreed and completed the spell.
This is not the first time Philadelphia wizard Philly Jack has assisted the American political system. He was the person who came up with the term “read my lips,” which was used by Bush Sr. Philly Jack could not be reached for comment, as he lives up in the mountains.