Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
LOMBARD, IL – The United Nations and national leaders around the world report that the refugee crisis was completely solved by a Faceboook debate between recent college graduate Gary Dramper and freelance electrician Burt Stonsin. The two were on a softball league together in 2005 and have stayed Facebook friends ever since. A status update was posted by Stonsin on Wednesday, May 17 and caused an eruption of debate resulting in 203 separate comments. While Stonsin believed that Muslim refugees should go back to their countries and fight for their freedom, Dramper believed that the refugees had a right to migrate to other industrialized nations.
The two Facebook users really went at it at first, calling each other “racist” or “libtard” on several different occasions. Gary Dramper posted articles from dozens of different news sources. Burt Stonsin was able to find multitudes of relevant memes to shoot Dramper’s way. Around the 156th post mark, both Dramper and Stonsin saw that what they were concluding together was actually the perfect resolution to the problem. They began calculating and hypothesizing meticulously based on their resolution idea. They even began mapping out solutions and discussing any possible repercussions. Suddenly, a breakthrough was made the problem was officially solved.
Dramper and Stonsin both claimed they were in tears by the end of their two day long Facebook binge. They planned on meeting for a cup of coffee to celebrate. However, they could not agree on a coffee shop and they jointly agreed to try meeting another time.
Meanwhile in the middle east, all is good now. The refugees are happily finding their new homes and settling in the recently thawed Antarctica.