Reliable Fake News. "Shitty Onion"
It’s getting really hard to decide which side is more annoying – conservatives or liberals. So I’ve decided to silently judge them and let my inner anger create ulcers of neutrality. It is these ulcers which will tear up my insides like a civil war, slowly killing me by giving me the ability to hate both sides. Double the hate, half the agreement. My blood boils reading these painfully predictable think-pieces from both sides alike. Granted, I most likely lean one way on each issue, it’s just the way the opinions are presented that create the purest form of political diarrhea for all to see and smell. And I would run for the nearest window, but I know I’d come back for more of that stinky stuff.
First off, don’t show me your articles. The sources are garbage. I don’t want to be a pioneer reader on some awful new “news website” that some political junkies are hyping because it coincides with their notions of the day. I’ll occasionally open these “news websites” on accident (or I will do so out of masochistic curiosity/boredom). And then I’m punched in the gut by click-bait, advertisements, and a list of loaded articles that would make Sean Hannity or Louise Mensch cringe (and that takes a lot). And so there I am, with another awful piece of acidic propaganda on my screen just toiling my insides and punishing me for falling for the same trap. But I can’t stop!
Online arguments are the worst. It is where the white knights have come to battle their opinions with one another. It is where repressed young adults go to simultaneously release their aggression and somehow still feel like they are doing good in the world. I recently joined a closed group on Facebook for debating politics. And every time I get a notification that one of these knights replied to me, the happiness section of my brain collapses just a little more. It says, “what are you doing this for?” and “please stop this.” Yet the whiney, pseudo-intellectual section of my brain flexes its nuts and asks for more. And I get in these arguments. Why? Why? What does it solve? Nothing. It is just a way to beat the boredom of the workday. And it’s easy to pass time when you’re a white knight of the moral compass.
The token conservatives and liberals out there are the real servants of their kings – their news sources they worship or political party. I can see the skip in their step every time “white privilege” is brought up, a Muslim stereotype arises, or calling someone “racist.” They are so ready to rebut that it really offers a glimpse of their childish thought process. The quickness with which they respond, the prepared arguments they copied and pasted, and the relevant memes they upload just display their infatuation with being perceived as intelligent.
So what do I do? I write this out and get myself more involved. No doubt this is all cyclical. But something about ruffling royal feathers is addicting. And I’m starting to feel the side effects.